Hiker's Humor

The Hiker, not to be outdone by AT & Spunky's winter adventures, invited Del Sol to spend a weekend winter camping with him. After setting up camp, enjoying a lovely evening admiring the moonlit, starry night, they were tired and turned in to their tents for a good night sleep with the Hiker having visions of the white squirrel dancing in his head.

The next day was a cold winter day and the Hiker planned to instruct Del Sol how to ice fish while amazing her with his fishing skills. They walked out onto the frozen lake, cut two holes in the ice, dropped in their fishing lines and began waiting for a fish to bite. They were not there long when suddenly WHAM! a large fish hit Del Sol's hook and she pulled in the fish.

The Hiker couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, she dropped in her line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.

This went on and on until finally the Hiker couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time. He said to Del Sol "How on earth are you catching all these fish and I haven't even had so much as a nibble?"

She replied "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarm."

"What was that?" the Hiker asked.

Again she responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarm."

"Look," said the Hiker who was more than a little annoyed by this time, "I can't understand a word you are saying."

So, Del Sol spit into her hand and said, "You have to keep the worms
warm!"

Bathroom Commode

The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC: "Does the campground have it's own BC?" is what she actually wrote. Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him. After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply: Dear Madam:
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous...even the normal delivery sounds can be heard. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the BC. I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather. If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember, this is a friendly community.
Sincerely, (Campground Owner)

Camping Lessons

Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the point of maximum pressure.
The distance to a given camp site remains constant as twilight approaches.
The number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely proportional to the amount of repellent that remains.
The probability of diarrhea increases with the square of the thistle content of the local vegetation.
The area of level ground in the neighborhood tends to vanish as the need to make camp becomes finite.
In a mummy bag the urgency of ones need to urinate is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing worn. It is also inversely proportional to the temperature and the degree to which the mummy bag is completely zipped up.
Waterproof clothing isn't. (However, it is 100% effective at containing sweat).
The width of backpack straps decreases with the distance hiked. To compensate, the weight of the backpack increases.
Average temperature increases with the amount of clothing brought.
Tent stakes come only in the quantity "N-1" where N is the number of stakes necessary to stake down a tent.
Propane/butane tanks that are full when they are packed, will unexplainably empty themselves before you can reach the campsite.
Given a chance, matches will find a way to get wet.
Your side of the tent is the side that leaks.
All foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color when freeze-dried.
Divide the number of servings by two when reading the directions for reconstituting anything freeze-dried.
When reading the instructions of a pump-activated water filter, "hour" should be substituted for "minute" when reading the average quarts filtered per minute.
The weight in a backpack can never remain uniformly distributed.
All tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective trunks at exactly the height of your nose. If you are male, tree branches will also grow at groin height.
You will lose the little toothpick in your Swiss Army knife as soon as you open the box.
Rain.
Enough dirt will get tracked into the tent on the first day out, that you can grow the food you need for the rest of the trip in rows between sleeping bags.
When camping in late fall or winter, your underwear will stay at approximately 35.702 degrees Kelvin no matter how long you keep it in your sleeping bag with you.
Bears.
The sun sets three-and-a-half times faster than normal when you're trying to set up camp.
Tents never come apart as easily when you're leaving a site as when you're trying to get them set up in the first place.
When planning to take time off of work/school for your camping trip, always add an extra week, because when you get home from your "vacation" you'll be too tired to go back for a week after.