Let's ride around China!

Photo story about a trip to China in November 2012. (Tour "Jade Dragon")
Quite recently I returned from China, where I lived for two weeks on removable wheels around the country, and with the tenacity of a New Zealand sheep I bore the fate of a pilgrim suffering from original emotions. Not without results, by the way. There were 10 more “bravewomen” with me (this meme, unknown to me before China, originated somewhere around here), so the burden didn’t seem so overwhelming: like all the previous times, we laughed until we colicked, pooped like bricks, widened our eyes en masse on the ropeways, desperately, like fish thrown out onto land, struggled to unstick chapped lips and gasped for oxygen at medium altitudes and drove, drove, constantly drove somewhere...

The curve of our route divided China at an angle of 45 degrees from north to southwest, with the starting point being Beijing and the ending point being Kunming. Two trains, 8 planes, countless buses, subway cars and taxis were left behind. Now, when two weeks have passed since my return, when the calluses on my feet have stopped hurting and I don’t get up at three o’clock in the morning from the “inertial” GMT + 4 and my stomach is almost accustomed to Moscow food, I can say that the plan was a great success! By the way, you have a chance to check me and decide for yourself whether it really happened:)

1. Let's start, of course, from the center of the universe. For Beijing, this is the geographical center of the Forbidden Palace, where this photo was actually taken. If there are those among the readers who have not fully studied my wardrobe and could not identify me by my shoes, I will tell you - I am in the frame, on the far right. I would be happy to put my foot in the center of the Beijing universe, but if among the readers there are those who know Ira, they will understand me - arguing with her is useless, and sometimes life-threatening. Therefore, the strongest stood in the center of Beijing that day:)

2. China is a lot. The sentence, from the point of view of the Russian language, is not consistent, but it fully reflects the essence of my feelings: there is a lot of stuff there. People, houses, cars, animals, food. Only they spared the flags and stuck only four of them into the main wall of the city. If there is any intention in this, then it definitely lies in the cruel and disrespectful history of China for human life: in this way they indicate the number of tourists lost on the territory of the palace:) And every morning the number of flags is reset to zero. Quite a way - a million more, a million less...

3. General view of the main entrance to the Forbidden City and a portrait of the Great. Until the middle of the last century, entry here was closed to mere mortals. It is still closed, but they let us in, we are not anyhow, but a Russian-Ukrainian supermanship team. And the fact that another hundred thousand Chinese broke through with us is a fact not worthy of mention.

4. And this is our fighting friend and comrade, leader and demiurge (when it came to communicating with the aborigines) - Kiril Sergeich. You probably know him from such series as “I ate Apple Pie in Nepal, then I was ah-ah-ay” and “Diabetes in Minsk Falvarek”. This time Kirill Sergeich definitely showed off. In the description of the route on the website, as well as in telephone conversations, he talked at some length about the fact that we would have several crossings, and, to put it mildly, I quote: “a more civilized journey than in Nepal.” I didn't lie. I allowed, for example, to fly from place to place once, well, twice. But what about 8 (EIGHT) times! But I think Irka and I will remember this wonderful airport for the rest of our lives. Not only were they not allowed to go there the first time (i.e., on approach, they turned us back), but I personally gave birth three times on boarding. I don’t remember who I gave birth to. Our A320 shook like a rattle in a child’s hands, bottles and glasses rolled around the cabin, and we sat on the seats next to Irka, clasped our wet palms, and... personally, I sang “No news from heaven.” Nothing else helped. And that didn't help either. I just wanted to scream in fear. But in general, of course, Kirill Sergeich is a brave man. Going to an unknown country with a complex panopticon is a matter of a strong spirit. I respect you:)

5. And we had a noble Panopticon. Someone plays the balalaika, someone sells slim bras on the TV Shop, someone sells rolled steel throughout the country, and my old friend once again showed remarkable talent: he, damn it, turned out to be straightforward as a channel and started everything according to the classic scheme: half of the route he coughed and had a fever, and the second he ran with a tape to save him from the toilet, to the toilet. Why do you think Kiril Sergeich so dreamily blocked him out? Otherwise! There are no toilets nearby:)

6. This photo is a myth. It seems like an idyll, but in reality it is not. Like the same samurai without a sword, who is like a samurai with a sword but without a sword. To dot all the i’s, I suggest you remember the riddle about the boat, the goat, the cabbage and the wolf. This is about them. And the smiles are only because I photograph them naked. I'm very funny in the nude. Don't believe me? Come, I'll demonstrate.

7. You all look so happy here. It's scary. Although overall it is one of the most positive photographs. Otherwise, no matter where you look in the shared photo folder, it’s either Nina with a plate of food, or Stas with scorpions, or me with a crooked face. Positive! Attention, question! What number does Ira show with his right hand?

8. On the third day of the trip, our bodies finally adapted to the hiking rhythm of life. We learned to eat red peppers without blinking and to sleep as soon as we took a sitting or lying position. The models in the frame demonstrate this talent in the most authentic form. Roma, by the way, has three points minus karma: with his laughing face, he ruined the airy and relaxed atmosphere of my photo production. But Ira is natural and beautiful. I would have been like that too, if some kind person had taught me five years ago how to tie my shoelaces correctly; I owed it until I was thirty and still nothing... I’m suffering!

9. Enough about our valiant team. Let's talk about the Celestial Empire. I’m ashamed, completely ashamed of Russia. If you have imperial ambitions, they say Russia is the Light, the “third Rome” and “the only hope of the earth.” Buy a ticket and go to China. He'll let you go right away. You don’t even have to go to the capital and mega-famous Shanghai - go to mainland China, where there are not many people (not so many - this is Moscow to the second or third degree:). Skyscrapers, highways, parks, paths, surroundings - everything is there.

10. Do you remember with what thoughts the future Decembrists returned to their homeland after the victory over Napoleon? So for most of the trip I had the feeling that in comparison with them we were some kind of social and economic misunderstanding. In almost everything - from free toilets at every turn, to transport infrastructure. Someone from the back desk can raise their hand and hint at the depth of the Russian soul, so I assure you that they also have their own Dostoevsky. And Blok. There are only problems with the Hubermans, but in this regard we will really surpass everyone:) But without going into details - the scope, scale and technical support of life in China are at their best. Even Beijing does not make such an impression as, for example, the same provincial Chengdu (he is in the frame). The only annoying thing about cities is the weird smog. There don’t seem to be many cars, and all of them, even in comparison with the Moscow car fleet, are new. But a strange haze constantly hangs in the air. I feel that there is some connection here with the Kyoto Protocol:)

11. And this is Beijing Central Station. From the station square it looks impressive, but on Google maps it’s a monster. If anyone else doubts that dx.com has bad filters, don’t think so, go for it. Just don’t be a fool like me and be sure to choose those without moire flair.

12. There are also no special complaints about people: people are like people. For example, local Stirlitz sits, doesn’t bother anyone, and reads a Communist Party editorial. The yellow sneakers obviously symbolize his visual unity with the Great Wall of China, and the foam ass (who else can sit on a cold stone for an hour?) - physical.

13. After two weeks spent with them side by side, I can say that they are the same as us. Sometimes they are scary, sometimes they are kind, sometimes they are young, sometimes they are so-so. People are like people. They only like pepper and wear pandas.

14. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. We have plenty of such goodness too - go on a spree in Tsaritsyno or Kolomenskoye in the summer. Under every bush hides a fashion model with a sect of camera operators. Perhaps it’s only in this area that we are not on par with them, but are confidently getting ahead. On the other hand, theirs is a city of “Eternal Spring”, but with us everything is gloomy and grey. Look out the window? Yeah?

15. Tourist meccas are full of elderly people. The fact that they are so “vigorous” suggests that something is still being added to Doshiraki.

16. By the way, it is significant that the Chinese grandparents are quite charming. In our country this is, if not impossible, very rare. Or maybe I'm walking on the wrong streets.

17. Who else has not been married? Please love and favor - a real Chinese groom. I poked it with a wooden stick - it was not a fake. I mean it's alive:)

18. I always knew that Coltrane did not die, but simply went to Beijing and worked part-time at the crossing near the Dongdan metro station. Orleans and Brooklyn are vanity of vanities, but here there is bliss and macrons. The grandmother in the mise-en-scène is a cosmic archetype. I can imagine that she had a wild 60s. There she was on sale and bought a spare Hendrix jacket.

19. A few words about our assimilation and mimicry. These are not little Chinese girls. This is big Ira. This is another confirmation of why I was afraid to stick my foot in the center in the first frame:)

20. A couple more cute little things. As a fact, the Chinese love to take pictures with Europeans. Take it for granted and relax. When we got wind of this topic, we tried to introduce offensive tactics: Roma and Ira surround the object of the photo hunt, and I click the shutter like Sharik from Prostokvashino. It was necessary to make business cards with your emails in order to fully understand and send the resulting work. Or don't. Let them suffer in ignorance?

21. Well, a few words about the technical side of the matter. China - a variety of brands, crafts and fakes. In every city you can find cayennes, boomers and merens of all varieties and colors. It also provides an abundance of local flavor - well-known to Russians are Buda, Cherry, Fava and who knows how many other brands. By the way, the local Faw has a very successful joint venture with wagons. It’s wonderful to see a brand new Passat that, instead of the usual Latin alphabet, has nameplates like “尊敬的游期导游 2.0 TSI” stuck on the trunk lid. There is one thing - there are no native “khach mobiles” here. Let me clarify - I’m not talking about AvtoVAZ handicrafts, but about broken-down ratchets, regardless of what nationality is sitting behind the wheel. I will assume that the government of the Middle Kingdom massively breaks off those suffering from personal freedom of movement and related benefits, imperatively transfers everyone to electric scooters (I haven’t seen any others), bicycles and rickshaws. Maybe it promises them some kind of manna. Or maybe it’s just that full-fledged cars cost exorbitant amounts of money. Unknown.

22. China also pleased us with the abundance of some distant and even extinct brands for the old world. Where else can you see a showroom with brand new Buicks? And the most beautiful MG Rover? Of course, I was never interested in these cars, but after I saw the GL8 in person, I just fell in love. Unfortunately, I can’t attach a photo - every time I saw this car, I fell like an epileptic on the asphalt, sprayed saliva and went into ecstatic delight, shouting “I want, I want, I want.” I recently found out that they are made exclusively for the Chinese market. I thought for a long time - why is the world so unfair, and then I realized - why do we need it? Russians cannot understand such beauty. After all, we have a people's car - a black tinted Touareg with numbers 777. How can we care about the beautiful...

23. Surprisingly, in every city the traffic is organized in such a wonderful way that tricycles, the editions of my late grandmother’s youth, and Defenders-Cubers peacefully coexist in the flow. Everyone follows the rules with reservations: driving in oncoming traffic is in the order of things, turning around and across continuous roads in the center of a densely populated city is also allowed. The differences with us are the possibility of overtaking in tunnels (there is no continuous tunnel), trucks driving on the far left and a fatal abundance of security cameras. In every, even the most run-down town, there are two or three cameras with a pre-installed sign notification, flash and tracking of all lanes. They say it works. Miracles

24. And here is the announced electronic something. The battery is sewn into the frame, the pedal drive is for acceleration. A rusty chain is for intimidation.

25. Another joint experience between Ira and I. We drove around Beijing at night on THIS. Unforgettable! Especially the fight over 10 yuan at the end of the trip. By the way, I won. Of course, Ira was on my side (see comments to photos No. 1 and No. 19).

26. As a complete aerophobe, before my trip to China I imagined a depressing picture - half-dead Carcasses and Silts on half-empty airfields. Figvam (this is a house). Everything is fine with their aircraft - the entire fleet is filled to capacity with brand new Airbuses and Boeings. The pilots are stern, careful and, surprisingly, all have narrow eyes:) After 8 flights, I can say absolutely for sure - I love Airbuses. There is something about them that is close to my heart, like the Mercedes GL. Europe is still Europe. And in the photo is Ledzynia Airport. Another heavenly place. I’m ready to pack my suitcase right now and go there. Well, let me go, what are you sorry for?

27. By the way, each of the airports I visited amazed me with its magnificence and scale. Even in provincial towns, there are excellent NEW airports with well-designed logistics, rigorous security checks and clean toilets. It's from Shanghai, I think. It only has 240 gates. Just imagine 240 planes can simultaneously load passengers. A? The staff is courteous but picky. They find batteries in their luggage and force them to take them into the cabin with them. The logic is simple - if they explode in luggage, it will be bad. If it's in the salon, it's good. Iron.

28. Well, let's go back to architecture and close the topic. I, a convinced agnostic, have some vaguely manifested feeling that in life it is enough to go into one religious building, be it a mosque, church or synagogue. That's all. For example, in Russia it is enough to go to Suzdal for the weekend, in Beijing - to the same Forbidden City. The rest can be removed from your life completely and not waste time. All of them, with certain reservations, are the same. Well, unless you are a fan of Sitharhi Gautama. Then yes, you are welcome to walk around and kiss me. Although, judging by the tablets, he would not approve of such an approach and delight.

29. Just a beautiful pagoda. Judging by the design solutions, a branch of Big Brother is based here, do you see the camera? I prefer the consonance of blue and green. Plays nice.

30. Yes, it inadvertently turned out that Buddhism is not a religion at all. This is a philosophical doctrine. I’m impressed by something, but I still can’t figure out exactly what. And in the photo there is a sad man. And he's throwing up something black. Or is it his beard? I haven't fully figured it out.

31. An hour's drive from the center of Beijing there is a wall, the same one - the Great Great Wall. You can climb up to the very top of its head using a cable car, and down - on a batong (I think that’s what it’s called). Well, walk a couple of kilometers along the wall itself to make a note in your personal diary of accomplishments: “I was there.” In my opinion, greatness is felt with great difficulty. Well, the wall. Well, they built it. AND?

32. Another simple view. Exclusively in order to once again form within you a feeling of beauty.

33. And this is Huashan - the Mecca and homeland of all Taoists. This is where it basically originated. Literally 100 meters from the place where I took this photo is the legendary road of death. We won't go there. Because you have no documents. Let's just look at the blue sky:)

34. Another crap that definitely originated in Huashan is the fetish associated with hanging everything possible with locks and ribbons. But nevertheless, it doesn’t hurt to contemplate. This, by the way, is another view that can be contemplated without regaining consciousness. Take a closer look - you can see the mountains below. We just hovered at 1800 meters above sea level. The hill, by the way, is completely covered by the shackles of civilization - literally around the corner I had excellent internet reception, and I even managed to work:)

35. We got down from the mountains - go ahead - swim! This is already Jujagou National Park. We spent two whole days on it. Although personally, according to my feelings, it was quite possible to fit into one. Have you been to Altai? Then you definitely shouldn't come here. Unless you like fun landings at mountain airports;)

36. Water of filigree transparency and phenomenal purity. According to my observations - no, no, but someone will manage to throw a coin or spit there. Even the Chinese are not perfect:)

37. The color, by the way, is natural. I didn’t even have to move the color balance sliders in Lightroom from side to side:)

38. In general, the entire park is a collection of lakes, waterfalls and rapids. After just an hour of wandering around this wonderful place, you stop distinguishing one beauty from another. Everything merges into one big swamp. In my head.

39. No Comments.

40. And also like this.

41. On the Xian-Chengdu stretch, some kind of panda madness is happening. Pandas are everywhere here - on gas tank caps, on store doors, in toilets. Pens, pencils, bus tickets and windbreaks - everything is strewn with the cutest bamboo bear. After a personal meeting, I slightly reformulated the well-known saying: you can look at three things forever - how a fire burns, how water flows and how a person works. The fourth point will be: how pandas fight. It will truly fascinate.

42. And this is the neighbor of the big bamboo bear. In Russian - "small panda". And in English - Firefox. Yes, yes, yes, this is the very beast after which the popular browser was named.

43. I ask you to love and favor. And then he asks and loves.

44. Fish soup in the lake of the panda park. The boiling speed is regulated by bread crumbs:)

45. Itz e Heavy metal, baby! Let's return to this photo in 15-20 years, when I'm completely flabby, because everyone assured me that this is exactly what I'll look like in a few years "very soon":)

46. ​​I don’t know how acceptable it is to take such photographs and what so many candles symbolize, but firstly, it’s simply beautiful, and secondly, they are Buddhists. They don't care about the big leather tam-tam...

47. One of the largest statues in the world. Over the past 300 years, its ranking has dropped slightly (to 10th position or so), but it still looks impressive. It’s not for you to load crapies in Giza, this is art!

48. Beautiful bridge. Judging by my observations - to Narnia.

49. Beautiful elephant. From Narnia. Obviously, the trash can was also dragged from there.

50. View A. If there was sun. But it wasn’t there, so enjoy what you have:)

51. Well, this is probably the most beautiful photo of the entire tour - texture, color scheme, bevel, color specks. Whatever you want, I give this photo five points and first place. Moreover, its serial number is correct - Murmansk:)

52. Planes, trains, minibuses... We got there. Below us is the Tiger Leaping Gorge. In front of us, slightly hidden by clouds, is the Jade Dragon himself.

53. Yangtze. Great. Now tell yourself that I was there - and I won’t believe myself. In general, judging by all the previous photographs, vacation is a myth. Maybe this is why people bring tons of souvenirs, to at least somehow prove to themselves that there was a vacation? I personally have the feeling that I was completely passed out for two weeks and everything was not happening to me...

54. I tried to find this place on the map now, but it didn’t work. Let's attribute this place also to that same lost Narnia - it exists somewhere. But you can only go there once in your life. I spent mine, but here's your chance:)

54. Ugh. We got there! Mountain "Jade Dragon". The highest point is 5600. This is, essentially, the apogee of our two weeks of roughing it. They say it is a great happiness to see her without clouds. I’ll add on my own - it’s a great blessing to get here and not shake out all your brains. Starting from an altitude of 3 km, the roads become similar to the best examples of Rosavtodor's work: a kind of rollicking country road on the border between Kaluga and Bryansk. And with holes half a meter long.

55. Yep! Let's climb in! More precisely, we stopped by. I communicated with God throughout the cable car route. Those. I simply sat, looked at my feet and thought “.la-.la-.la.” It helped. Now they will always say that when it’s scary. Let me clarify - the cable car takes you from 3600 right up to 4600, and you can climb another 100 meters on your own. The route is in front of you. The Chinese, weak in spirit and loins, go there with mobile oxygen tanks and grunt with delight. Someone is feeling sick. For us, according to a quick survey, we felt dizzy and had a pleasant euphoria. I believe that this is why Russian people love heights.

56. Rare shot - me. The Tibetan aborigine's hat is unique. I'm the only one who has this one. I brought it to Moscow and still haven’t washed it. I keep my spirit. Having also analyzed the amount of visual garbage in the frame, I wanted to make an announcement - to everyone who doesn’t mind a couple of hundred dollars, please don’t waste it, put it in a jar, and at the first opportunity - bring it to me. I urgently need a new lens:)

57. Ay-ay-ay. Beauty.

58. This guy in a checkered purple jacket will ruin more than one photo for us. And here he portrays a wild panda.

60. The “Star” figure performed by the Russian aerobatic team “Zhruny”.

61. Well, one more final chord and we run back - the wind rose and the security began to kick everyone out of the observation room.

63. Then the story of the story gets lost - Huashani-Leoshani-Kunming - everything is mixed up. The photo shows a stone town at one of these points. Nature built it. Don’t ask more from me, I don’t remember:)

64. The town, by the way, is not sickly - the Greek ruins are resting.

65. And this is the cave of a primitive man. History is silent about whether such lighting was implemented at that time, but if he lived here in such surroundings, I definitely envy him.

All. No more photos. I'm tired of writing and describing. To summarize, I would say that without the slightest bit of regret I would forever go to China and stay there forever. This is perhaps the most comprehensive answer to the question “how are you doing there?”

...and one more Ira out of competition! Eat and the power of ice cream will be with you, friends!

Denis Merenkov, Moscow.